Confessions of a Coward Part Two.

Christian: Literally means “ Christ little ones.” Early Christians were given the name Christians. No- they did not have a meeting in their homes or the fellowship hall and come up with a catchy name for themselves- they were given this name by the non-Christians around them. The term is not demeaning- it described their lives- which mirrored the life of Christ. For they were children of Christ.

We all make mistakes, we all have moments of weakness, lapses in character and moments we are not proud of. My life has been full of them.Since middle school I have called myself a “Christian” but for most of my life have not lived up to the name.Instead of clothing my self with the blood of Christ I just learned what to say and how to say it to my church, my pastors and my family.I should have just called myself “hypocrite”. Instead of picking up my cross daily and following Jesus, I have spent much of my life picking up bottles, chasing women and hiding my sin. In my first post I mentioned that my hidden sin, all my weakness, all of my endless toils and all my cowardliness came out- a DUI. In a moment my sin was brought out from the dark and into the light. Every drunken night, every party,every sin and every character flaw in my soul was forced violently into the open.There was no more running and no more hiding. I could no longer hide my sin from my friends at church and my family. I no longer had a choice- I was hurting, lost, broken and I needed them. I wouldn't be able to talk myself or lie myself out of this one. This was serious. I couldn't run. I couldn't hide. I couldn't fix this one my own- but that is what God wanted. All of the time I spent being identified by being the guy who loved girls and who loved to party only gave me one thing- a night in jail. In an instant life was different. God gave me a cross road. The first was the life I had always found comfortable- the booze, the girls, the partying and the running. The road I was comfortable with, the road I was good at. The second one of openness and honesty- a new life in and with Christ. It was almost like God was telling me, “ this is your last chance Scott, it is now, or never.” I wasn’t strong enough to completely run away from the sin that still enslaved me and God was sick of it. If I wasn’t strong enough- God was going to break me and make me strong enough.

This whole experience has taught me two things :

1) We are not strong enough to run from sin on our own. It takes sacrifice and a strength that is only from our Heavenly Father.

2) We must put ourselves out there- all of us.James 5:16 says:Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. We have to be completely open and honest to our families, friends and pastors. They will never judge you. They will do nothing but love you and help you- I know this for fact.

I’ll leave you with a question: Where is your identity, where is your heart?

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New Series to Check Out

Today I started a new series: Confessions of a Coward. This is my life, my walk, my struggles, my defeat but most importantly my victory.

Confessions of a Coward- Part One

Coward:A person who lacks the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things. The word coward is a strong, negative word and I am sure a word that no one wants attached to their name, but the truth is many of us are indeed cowards. If anyone is coward, it is me. I have been a coward in many areas of my life and this series is about those areas.

For most of my adult life I was drowning in sin. I sat of the fence between my social life full of partying , the girls I chased, the porn I was addicted to and my life as a believer in Christ. I put up a convincing facade of a well put together and righteous believer, but in fact on the inside I was drowning in sin and dying. I hid my sin from everyone- my pastors, my friends and my family. I would occasionally tell a close friend or pastor half of my struggles, but never fully opened up to anyone about the sin that I was enslaved to. I did not have the courage to surrender my sin to my Heavenly Father nor the courage to confess that sin to those who cared most about me. Recently my sin, my lying, my lack of courage, the sin I was hiding and the inner coward in me was brought out. I will further discuss these areas and exactly what happened later in this series.

The bible is clear about the concealment of sin. Proverbs 27:17 says that as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. God puts men and women in our lives to confess our sins and struggles to. These people will not judge and will not abandon you. They may be disappointed, but they are placed in your life by God for one thing- to help you become everything that God made you to be.

Proverbs 28:13 says Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper,but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. You will never get victory of your sin unless you confess it to the Godly men and women in your life.If you continue you hide and ignore your struggles, they will be brought out of the dark into the light. I carried my sin and my struggles for so long, hiding them from the people in my life who loved me the most. When I finally was forced to share these struggles with my friends, pastors and family it hurt, but I was set free. The weight off my heart that was lifted by finally surrendering to those closest to me has left me feeling nothing but alive on the inside- and this is what God wants for us.